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Post by embry on Apr 22, 2008 20:24:45 GMT -5
"I'm not going to say that," Embry replied. "I mean, yes, you can be an ass at times, but you don't mean to be and since we all know this, it's like beating a dead horse. So stop beating yourself up." It was unfair that Paul would continue to torture himself for this long.
"Yeah, you better never let anyone else know that. You'd get kidnapped 'cause they'd offer you baked goods." His smile faltered slightly and he cleared his through rather awkwardly. "Yeah, I know she doesn't, but it made things really difficult for a while. After I phased for the first time, everyone knew that one of the chief leaders was unfaithful, but I don't even know who, and I don't think it helps to bring it up a lot. It's weird enough Quil, Sam, or Jake is probably related to me." It was certain Paul wasn't since his father had left.
"Quiet or I hit you," Embry threatened, but obviously didn't mean it. Unlike the other members of the pack, he was fairly non-violent. More so than probably anyone but Sam. He'd never hurt a human, and most of his fights with the pack, what few there were, escalated no farther than baring teeth and warning growls.
A wince formed on his face at first when Paul grabbed his hand, but it faded almost at once. Embry could hardly feel any pain where Paul held his hands, but rather a warm feeling against his skin, reminiscent of awkward middle school days. "I, uh, forgot," he admitted softly. "I think there were only like, two or so." He looked down at his hand in Paul's, studying it absently. It felt very right in Paul's hands. He was about to add something when Paul's thumb brushed over his knuckles, raising the hairs on the back of his neck. Oh, this just wasn't fair.
"Yeah," he said, when his voice returned. "They do, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to do with them. You're not still mad at me and I forgave you so the pack has no reason to worry about anything more than that."
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 22, 2008 20:49:15 GMT -5
Stop beating yourself up. He sighed. It really wasn’t that easy, though he wished it was, to just stop feeling like he had messed up so bad. If Embry wanted him too though he’d try, although certainly not that hard.
“It’s true, though,” he said, stubborn enough to put up a fight even though he knew he was going to lose against Embry anyways. “Man, I don’t know how you can like me,” he admitted. “I barely like myself most days.” He said this to Embry’s hand, which was still being examined in his own. Why couldn’t he shut up today? It was like his mouth wouldn’t close.
“S’not your fault, so don’t listen to her. She can be a…bitch.” He laughed. “But you already knew that.” He never would have called Leah a bitch behind her back if he hadn’t said it to her face already – which he had.
Rolling his eyes, he said “Two is enough to hurt. I know what it feels like, with all the walking around barefoot I was bound to step on something rotten eventually.” It had only been a few months ago when he had been in Jared’s house and one of the floorboards had splintered up right into his foot. Thankfully he had managed to remove most of the splinters before he healed but it was still sore for a long time after.
He hadn’t even realized he had been holding Embry’s hand the whole time he had been talking. It hit him then though, and so did the thought that he didn’t want to let go, that he liked holding Embry’s hand. With as much casualness as he could muster in wake of his reluctance, he let go of Embry’s hand and let his curl into fists, balled up against his elbows as he crossed his arms. He had forgotten how easy it was to spend time with Embry, how simple it was to forget what he was saying and doing around him. It wasn’t easy for Paul to do that. He had a lot of walls up.
Paul didn’t want to think about the pack’s reaction right now; it would only lead to beating himself up again, which Embry had forbid. Changing the subject, he said “Good thing Annie’s around I guess, she keeping you good company?” He knew the two were friends, havign seen a very odd picture of the two with…dolls. He snickered a bit to himself at the thought of the picture Kate had given him but said nothing, deciding that teasing Embry about it could wait until another time.
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Post by embry on Apr 22, 2008 21:20:02 GMT -5
"It's the eternal question," Embry remarked, shaking his head. He wasn't sure why he liked Paul. He could have fallen for other people, but Paul was probably the most amazing person he knew. Of course to tell Paul that, Paul would get flustered, ignore him, and call him stupid, but he knew the otehr boy was truly kind, and despite everything that had happened to him, he hadn't become a complete introvert. "If it's not your sparkling personality and witty good humor, what could it be?
"And yeah, I know she's a bitch, but whatever," Embry muttered. "I guess she has her reasons, but next time she's pissed can't she just egg Sam's house or slash his tires like every other psycho ex-girlfriend?" Not that Embry knew that much about psycho ex-girlfriends as he lacked one himself.
Embry stretched his hand a little in Paul's, enjoying the comfortable feel of having those hands around his. At the same time, he was testing to see if the splinters had started hurting yet. "Yeah, but I think it more or less healed over by now. I dunno how I could get 'em out at this point." He frowned, looking a little like a lost puppy and sighed. He really didn't like pain as a general rule. "How long did it take for them to stop hurting when it happened to you?"
It would have been so easy to let Paul keep his hands there, in that comforting gesture, but of course Paul dropped Embry's hands and Embry put them back into his lap with a silent sort of dejection. His hand was just beginning a dull sort of ache that would no doubt bother him for the next few days, and he made a mental note to ice it once Paul left...assuming the ice wouldn't melt too quickly.
"Yeah, Annie's...Annie. She amazing," Embry said, his smile growing wider as he spoke. "She's so full of personality and she's so much fun. It's never boring, you know? Although she did ask me to pass along the message to you to stop calling her New Girl. Not that I think you'll listen."
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 22, 2008 21:37:12 GMT -5
He allowed himself a silly grin and shrugged in a modest sort of way. “I don’t know man, I think it’s my sparkling personality and witty good humor. Plus, I can turn into a giant wolf, that’s a pretty attractive quality in anyone. How many people can say they’ve dated a werewolf?” No one he had dated as he hadn’t exactly told them, but still. It was pretty awesome.
“God, can you imagine if she did though?” He groaned. “She probably wouldn’t even get any heat for it,” he said. Sam had problems standing up for himself, the poor guy.
“Just a few days. Eventually your body is gonna reject it and push it out. Fucking odd, but that’s what my teacher said.”
The look on Embry’s face caused him to groan again, softer this time. It was the absolute most pathetic thing a person could look like. Like an orphaned puppy with papercuts in a wheelchair. His head spun a little at the desire in him to grab Embry’s hand again, to…what? Kiss him? His face felt hot, flushed with his sudden confusion. That was not…normal.
Standing quickly, he flashed Embry a quick, fake smile, patting down on his legs to compose himself. “I, I gotta go,” he said, even though every fiber of him wanted to stay, every particle of his being ached to sit back down. And Embry was grinning, that grin where his whole face lit up and…shit, shit, shit.
How was this happening?
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Post by embry on Apr 23, 2008 20:47:24 GMT -5
"Well, certainly," Embry remarked in a dry sort of way. He tried to ignore the jolt in his stomach that grin gave him. "Obviously turning into a giant wolf is a huge turn-on for everyone. And so far? Emily, Annie, Jake, and Kim. I think that's it." He ticked them off on his fingers. As far as he went, he'd gone on a few dates before he'd phased for the first time, but after that, his life had become the pack and he'd not had time for any real relationships.
Embry resisted the urge to roll his eyes (which was a surprisingly strong urge considering the image of Leah egging Sam's house). "She wouldn't," he agreed. "Sam would blame himself. He's too lenient on her sometimes. I'm waiting until she loses her temper and smacks him." Which might very well happen.
"Damnit. That's gonna hurt." Embry glanced down at his knuckles and half considered how he could ice them without melting the ice. He couldn't think of anything right now; his creativity was failing him. Although, in all fairness, ice and a temperature of one o'nine didn't mix well to begin with.
A soft sound (a groan?) drew his eyes up to Paul's eyes. The other male looked tormented, eyes fixed on Embry's face. He wondered for a minute if he had done something wrong to upset his friend, but Paul looked more...desperate than he did angry. And so Embry stood as he did, eyes slightly wide with surprise and concern, wondering what had sparked the sudden change in his friend.
"Hey, everything okay?" Embry attempted to flash him a smile smile, but it came out almost nervous (which was stupid, why should he be nervous around Paul of all people?) And he hesitated, feeling the urge to grab Paul's hand again, grab Paul, put him up against a wall and give him the best goddamned kiss he'd ever had, and all because Paul had such a looking of wanting and confusion on his face. Stifling those particular urges seemed wise at the moment, though, and he composed himself, adding, "I can walk you out."
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 23, 2008 21:01:32 GMT -5
He took a deep breathe and tried to center himself. Okay, he didn’t like Embry that way, he never had, it wouldn’t turn out that way. He was just acting stupid. Stupid and hormonal. It was only Embry. Had he ever liked Embry before? He honestly couldn’t recall feeling anything more than brotherly love for him. A snide voice in his mind reminded him that that was, of course, past tense, and that his dreams would definitely say otherwise.
And was it wrong to be very attracted to Embry right now? He hadn’t seen him for a while and, and…he swallowed hard. He had spent the past few days trying to stifle the feeling of want that he always woke up with, eyes bleary and silently panicking in his mind. Because he had never ever felt that way before. Before.
He couldn’t help but feel a bit resentful towards Embry for even putting this idea in his head in the first place, but he had always found easy ways to be mad at someone. Being angry was just so much…easier, easier to control. Some might disagree but it was much simpler than any other emotion.
And God he was tormented, but he was trying so hard not to look it. Especially now that Embry was standing with him, concerned. He tried to smile again but it only looked like a grimace on his strained features. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he assured him, studying the very interesting wallpaper Embry had.
“No, you don’t have to,” he protested weakly. “I found my way in, I can find my way out,” he laughed weakly.
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Post by embry on Apr 23, 2008 21:46:36 GMT -5
Embry studied Paul for a moment before his gaze followed the other's to the plain wall paper behind him. Fairly boring. His gaze traveled back to the other boy, and he wondered again if he had said something to make Paul uncomfortable. Even as he went over the words in his head, he was sure he hadn't, but perhaps his losing his temper had been too much.
"Okay, just making sure," Embry said, and offered Paul a tilted smile. When he'd stood, he felt a little bit close to Paul in this room, with both of them standing, staring at each other. And the air was so heavy, so full, he didn't think it was possible to breathe it in. But he managed and he wanted so much to stride forward and close the space between them....
He was brought back to himself when Paul spoke again and he offered a small shrug. "You sure? I don't mind. I have to go downstairs anyway." Embry held up his newly healed hand. "I'm gonna try and set up an ice pack for later when this starts to hurt. I don'tknow how well it's going to work though...." He trailed off, thinking.
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 23, 2008 21:57:33 GMT -5
Paul could feel Embry’s eyes on him and lowered his head, completely failing at trying to conceal his feelings. He had never been good with hiding how he felt, and if there was a God, they knew how impossible it was for him to lie and be convincing at all. Paul was a very temperamental person but it was just his anger that became magnified, it was all his emotions.
He felt like he was suffocating in the small room (and in the small space between him and Embry, there couldn’t have been any air because it didn’t feel like he was breathing). It felt like the stifling humidity after a particularly nasty thunderstorm, the awkward and tense calm that followed. As relieved as he felt he also felt weary and tired and sore. All the things he had been feeling kept hitting him again and again and it became over-bearing after a while.
His eyes flickered as he looked over Embry’s hand. It looked good as new despite the blood and he scowled as he remembered Embry’s mom was downstairs and could see the result of Embry’s momentary flare of temper. How was he going to explain that?
“Probably not that well,” he replied, trying to sound passive. He rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t have fucking punched a wall, like it was going to do any good. Shoulda punched me,” he said with a grin. “Wouldn’t have gotten yourself hurt – well, besides me kicking your ass afterwards,” he corrected himself thoughtfully.
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Post by embry on Apr 24, 2008 15:42:45 GMT -5
It was like the awkward feelings were in the air between them after the fight, making it had to think, hard to find the words Embry wanted to say that would make everything go back to normal. He wanted to take shots about how Jared looked like a silly lost puppy whenever Kim was around or how Emily had gone after Quil with a spoon after he tried to steal one of Sam's cookies. The words wouldn't come, though.
Embry's gaze rested on Paul, and it was so obvious he felt awkward, as awkward as Embry felt perhaps. But Embry could feel attraction, too, which he was certain Paul wasn't feeling. It was hard to tell, though. While Paul was very easy to read, he was hiding his face until he started glowering at Embry's hand.
"Oh, thanks," Embry said sarcastically. "Well, I'm not looking to start a fight with you for that reason. And I probably would've broken something if I had full out wailed on you. I'm fine-- it's better that I didn't hit you anyway."
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 24, 2008 17:11:50 GMT -5
"Your welcome," Paul answered cheerily. And he did feel better, not as burdened as he had a moment ago, just from talking to Embry. He just made things so...easy, and warm, and Paul couldn't help but like him in any sense of the word.
Apparently, now, in every sense of the word.
He rocked back on his heels and gave Embry a quick smile, fake again but not as strained. "I really got to get going-" He stopped short when he registered something Embry had just said. "Wait, for that reason? What other reason is there?" His shoulders, the place where he tended to carry all his tension (they were broad after all, enough to hold all of it), shrugged up in defense and his look became bewildered. "Something you're not telling me?" he asked dryly, raising his eyebrows. There was always something Embry wasn't telling him, but he figured he should at least ask out right this time around.
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Post by embry on Apr 24, 2008 17:36:21 GMT -5
Embry's smile, unlike Paul's was wide and honestly amused at his friend's reaction. Of course he didn't really want to hit Paul (at least not often, anyway) but if he didn't tease Paul, he'd go stir crazy. Being the more level headed of the two, he found it generally amusing to rile Paul up over silly little things and then laugh when Paul (half-heartedly) took a swing at them. Their friendship was a strange one, but solid none the less.
"Would I ever hide anything from you, Paul?" Embry asked, then paused. "Er, never mind. Don't answer that. No, I'm not going to punch you for talking to Leah. I mean, I wanted to for a moment, but consider half the things you've done without thinking. This doesn't rank that high up on the list of stupid things done without thinking." He grinned. "I mean, c'mon, remember when Quil thought it would be funny to scare Emily when she was cooking and I ended up nearly falling on the stove?" Embry's balance, normally good, had been tempered when he'd attempted to save Emily from falling on said stove. He, afterall, healed faster than she did. "If I didn't punch his lights out...not that I could at that moment, I'm not going to hit you for this."
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Post by swivelcanines on Apr 24, 2008 18:22:24 GMT -5
His heart lifted a little at Embry's smile, and he felt a more true grin play across his face. Embry had a very infectious personality, at least Paul thought so. It was hard to not smile when Embry was, even when he was poking fun at Paul (which was most of the time, much to his chargin.)
But he hadn't told Leah without thinking. Didn't Embry understand that? It was all he did think about, when he wasn't busy with school or the pack. Even then his mind wandered. Telling Leah hadn't been a spur of the moment thing, it had been a way to relieve just a bit of the stress he had. It had been a way to deal.
He rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the story. He did remember, of course. It had been pretty hilarious but now they were all a bit more careful around Emily, even if she didn't like it. If Sam's incident had proved one thing, it was that Emily was much more fragile than any of them would like to admit.
Even though he was easing back into familiar territory with Embry, he knew how easy it was for them to slip back into the combative exchanges they had been suffering from in the past few weeks, and he wasn't sure he was really prepared to get into another fight that day. "I'm gonna head out - thanks for hearing me out." He lifted his hand a bit, about to pat Embry on the arm, but thought better of it (it would ruin him, it would be too obvious he wanted to touch more than just his arm) and lowered it, instead crossing his arms. "See you around."
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Post by embry on Apr 24, 2008 18:52:15 GMT -5
Paul's grin made his whole face light up. Embry noticed this and felt his smile widen even the slightest bit. Though Paul didn't actually show it that often, he did have a very nice smile. When he wasn't smiling at the expense of someone else, like, for example, hunting leeches. Then it was a scary smile. But at times like this, his grin could be bright and warming and make him look actually approachable.
Embry had hesitated, subconsciously moving towards the hand before he could stop himself. Mentally, he shook himself, and cast Paul an easy grin. "Anytime," he said, and he meant it. He never minded talking with Paul even when it was about nothing. Even when they were watching stupid, bad movies on Emily's television while waiting for their next patrol. "Yeah, see you soon." And he wanted to grab Paul's hand, or forearm and hold it, hold him, keep him there. He didn't, though, and merely waved.
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