beautiful {disaster};; Antigone Crow

[Antigone Crow]

*Open to comments/etc,.

Entry One;; [/i]
Date; Hah. You think I know?
Mood; Relatively shitty.



I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm a fucking seventeen-year-old girl, and I'm writing a Goddamn diary. Seriously, if Colton ever finds this thing or Kate mentions it, I'll never hear the end of it. So, hopefully the asshole never finds out, but I needed an outlet. My mother always tolds me that a girl's diary is her best friend--I can tell it anything, and it won't repeat any of it. And that's what I need right now.

I can't even begin to describe what my life is like right now. It's a split between amazing and terrible; does that even make sense at all? It kind of does to me, but even then, I'm possibly insane.

First of all: it's amazing. For once in my damn life, I'm not messing with someone's heart. I'm happily dating someone, and damn, it's..weird. Not what I'm used to, surely. I'm used to getting what I want, then leaving. I can't do that now, and strangely, I don't want to.
Huh. Weird.

Second: terrible. Junebug's out of remission, blah blah. If that wasn't enough, she needs me to donate shit again. And this time, it's not so minor; her kidney's are failing, so she needs one pretty damny badly. Drugs + donating = bad. That's like, rule number one, and I, the breaker of all rules, of course violated it. So, Jun's screwed, and I feel like the biggest asshole of all time. I want my smack to make me feel better, but shit, that'll just make this all worse--I at least have to try to detox.

Anyway. I'mma go sleep, or something. I'll try to remember to update; I doubt it'll happen--this sucker needs an alarm or something to remind me. Ciao.

..I can't believe I just spent fifteen minutes of my life talking to a notebook. Ugh

[Antigone Crow]

Photo Session, Take One.

Found these while going through an old scrapbook. Junebug really has a camera obsession, and I've always been her model. Whatever. These are from when we first moved, when I visited her. I think.


Loooveee the dress. Whoooah, cleavage shot!


Yay for completely unmatching outfits!..And being tall, I guess.
The fact that my boyfriend is as tall as the barrier thing amuses me endlessly. Damn, he makes me feel tiny.


Cool shot. Elevator. I hate elevators. -.-;


Sweeeetface.
Whatever.


..I was high, don't ask.


I love my maturity level. So much.


Black and white! I love this one.

Conclusions: Junebug and I have entirely too much time on our hands. I have too many whore-ish outifts/dresses. And I desperately need a tan.
And I bet you didn't know my nose was pierced.
Ciao~

[swivelcanines]

Paul was in Annie's room, again rehearsing lines (okay, maybe also stealing some pot, but shh) when he saw some pictures posted on her wall. Curious, he wandered over to the board, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"What...the..fuck?" He asked, making a face. "Rainbow socks? Seriously?"

[Antigone Crow]

Yay, new pictures! I'm putting pictures in my diary, yes, I know. Shut up, leave me alone. It's like..a scrap book thingy!

Me and my gay;


Me and Embry. Love the facial expressions.


...I found old Barbie dolls.
Sweeeeetface, Em.


Ahahaha, he fails at giving kisses on the cheek, I swear. And yay for smiles?


...I don't even know. So. Don't question it.

[Antigone Crow]

Date; BlahIdonno
Mood; Kinda shitty, as usual these days.

I told you I would forget about you. I swear, I need to put a daily reminder in my phone, or something--'write in diary'. But, I'd probably be like, 'Oh, I'll do it later,' and I'd forget all about you again.
I'm sorry.

..Wait. No. I DID NOT JUST APOLOGIZE TO A FUCKING NOTEBOOK.
Ugh. This just makes me feel more insane than usual.

Anyway.

Bad news on the homefront. Junebug's getting worse, and the family's really starting to freak. I don't think Jun's in the hospital yet, but once she is, I know things are going to go downhill fast if they don't have a donor.
Which brings us to me. I'm going to try to detox--no more anything. Well, aside from cigarettes. I can't live without that shit, and we know this.
Colton said he'd keep an eye on me when the withdrawals get bad, 'cause he knows I'll need someone there. Y'know, for the basic stuff: make sure I don't cave and take drugs, tell me I'm doing great and it'll all be over soon (etc.) and to feed me my pain meds.
Hopefully this blows over better than last time. I've got to admit, I'm not looking forward to it.

On to happier matters:
I'm still with Jake. I swear, this is like, a new record for me or something. And I want the record to keep going. This is just so weird for me. I mean, this isn't what I do. I seduce, I use, I break hearts. I don't do relationships. But apparently, now I do, and I seriously don't want this to end.
I'm...not used to feeling dizzy when someone's around, and I'm not used to feeling like it hurts to breathe when they're not there. I never want those feelings to go away. Fuck, I really hope I don't fuck things up like I usually do. I think I might love him.
Annie frowned at that, and promptly scratched it out and hoped it wasn't legible. Pienso lo quiero. There. Spanish. AHA, what now, to you person-who-is-not-supposed-to-be-reading-this! No one in Forks or La Push knows a lot of Spanish, so, I'm safe.

Anyway, I'm heading out now. I think I'mma go lay outside, or something. It's sunny. Mh, I miss the sun..

Love&Lollipops,

Annie.

[Jacob Black]

Just like he had promised, Jacob had found himself into her room and was searching for her diary. If she read his journal and wrote comments, then he was going to do the same to her. He finally found it sprawled out on her bed, and he picked it up and began thumbing through it, letting his eyes fall across the neat pages. Jake read his way to her second entry, and he sighed a little when she wrote about Juno, although he was glad that she had decided to quit using most of her drugs. But still, it was upsetting to see her so...depressed. He brought the journal closer to his face when he saw something scratched out, although he couldn't really figure out what it was. Jake could read the 'him' at the end and the 'I' at the beginning, but everything else was completely unreadable. He grabbed a pen off her dresser and quickly began scribbling down his own comment.

Miss Crow,

Here I am, writing in your journal as promised. Hopefully you don't mind, especially since you've already read my journal. Unfortunately, Paul has already stumbled across this notebook which means that I wasn't the first to read it. Darn, Paul finally beat me at something.

I'm sorry to hear about Juno, and I really do hope that she gets better soon. Also, I think it's great how you've decided to stop using lots of your drugs. If you ever need anything or need someone to hold your head up during all this, just call me and I'll be there in a heartbeat; (literally). I'm sure Juno is going to make it through all of this, and even though it's hard you've got to stop blaming yourself for what's happened. Don't worry about what you've done, but think about what you can do now

For what it's worth, I find myself falling for you too. As you probably already know, things have been really bad for me lately, and ever since you moved to La Push my life has been taking a turn for the better. I really should thank you for all that you've done for me, and thanks for lifting me up out of the rut I was in before I met you. You are one of the most important people in my life right now, and I appreciate everything you've done. Also, you really can't write in Spanish. You know I can't understand it! Well, I guess I'll just have to go get out my Spanish-English dictionary.

Lollipops?
-Jacob

[Antigone Crow]

Annie had blinked when her journal was out of place, and quickly scanned through it, though she smiled once she recognized the handwriting. She pulled a pen out of the cup on her desk, and quickly wrote back.

Mi Amor-

Damn, you found it!..Granted, I wasn't exactly hiding it, but whatevs. And he just commented on pictures, so, no worries. You're the first to leave me a full message, so, you beat him at that, which counts for something, right?
..And I'm really surprised he didn't comment on the pictures with Embry and I yet. Aheh. It's what happens when I go through boxes and find things.

Thanks, amor. I really hope she gets better soon, too. And I really can't help but feel guilty; it sucks. The doctor's being a complete ass and stares right at me whenever he brings up a donor, which means I usually punch out whatever's next to me. Thankfully, the mirror was only in that position once. I think they were all surprised with how much I killed that damn thing.
I'm way stronger than I look now. Thank you, werewolf-ness.

Well, I'm glad you feel the same way. Though she doubted it was to the same extreme. It would kinda suck if you didn't, y'know, and all that. You've made a lot of the hard shit I'm going through tolerable, and I couldn't thank you enough. And as for me helping you, I haven't really done much, but I'm always here for you.

And yes. Yes, I can. You'll have to figure it out. And quiero has a not-so-literal meaning, so good luck! [:

Yes. Lollipops. Don't question it.

Love,
Annie<3